(photo courtesy of myplante and flickr)

I am not sure when that moment comes when, as a family, everyone begins to understand that time together is limited. It drives some families apart while others unite. If there are expectations from siblings usually strife begins. We all love our parents with varying degrees of intensity and attachment. When we gathered as a family after hearing dad’s time was limited, we all rose to the occasion and let dad take the lead. We told old stories, we joked and teased as though we were all teenagers again and we connected in such a way that the memory lingers fresh in my mind 4 years later.

Letting go of old anger is a necessary ingredient so that new joy can be found in the little time a family has to be together before the inevitable parting of a parent. No matter how much you have been hurt by one of your parent’s, forgiving them is one of the most freeing things a person can do for themselves.

The levels of intimacy that can occur when all guards are down and all anger is cast aside, brings the knowledge of one another that makes you realize we are all doing the best we know how to do. The only expectation anyone should have is of themselves. That expectation should be to find inner joy and to share that joy with your parent’s and siblings.

When we came together as a family in April of 2004, little did any of us know that mom would be the first one to die. Her death occurred 7 months later. I will always be grateful we took the time out of our busy lives to unite as a family. In my minds eye, I can see all of us sitting in the living room laughing yet quiet in our own memories of years gone by.

My brothers helped me, their little sister, anytime I asked for help. We each dealt with my parent’s death differently and if there was anything I learned, it was our loved ones can be here one day and gone the next.

Pull together. Our emotions are pulled apart enough during the loss of a parent.

Filed under: Commentary